Marriage on Vacation:

Best 5 conversations to bring you closer together

We were sitting out on the balcony of the cruise ship and admiring the great view. It was breathtaking to watch the gentle waves with an occasional dolphin gracefully leap from the ocean. My husband and I sat together in silence just taking it all in. We began to talk about the trip, about our kids and about the future. Moments with no interruption and a peaceful setting are the ideal time to have deeper and more meaningful conversations. If you are wondering WHAT to talk about, I’ve got a list of 5 perfect topics to get you started!

As a family therapist, I often heard couples say that they didn’t even know how to get a conversation started on the more intimate topics. Each time we share our ideas, our thoughts and feelings with one another we are improving our emotional intimacy with one another. We are revealing our true selves and being vulnerable. Vacation gives us an opportunity to open up and grow closer to one another. 

My hope on each trip you take is to become happier and healthier on the getaway and bring that home with you and your family. Each of my GLOW zones has ways you can strengthen your body, mind and soul. The L for Love Connections is where we notice each other on the trip and make the effort to seize the opportunity to open up more and to be a better listener. 

Communication is an important topic in DIY Wellness Travel. Unlike the hustle and bustle of home life, where you barely get a chance to talk to each other about the business of the day, let alone your deep thoughts and future wishes, vacation gives you the peaceful moments to share with each other. 

Benefits of Openly Talking to Your Spouse

• You have a better understanding of each other
• You are able to forgive more quickly
• You have a deeper trust in each other
• You respect the character of your spouse
• Your physical intimacy improves with improved emotional intimacy

There are a variety of times when you can have these talks. Some couples enjoy a walk together on vacation, or a meal out with one another or after the kids are asleep there is quiet time by the firepit. These moments when it is just the two of you are ideal for catching up, being curious and dreaming with one another. 

4 Pillars of Marriage

• Communication
• Trust
• Respect
• Intimacy

I have 5 of the best conversation topics with your spouse, to help you jumpstart a true and real conversation on your next vacation. 

How have we grown?

Growth happens in many forms. Take a seed for instance, I can place it in a cup of dirt and it will sprout a stem, then some leaves and hopefully, a beautiful flower…then, more flowers and so on. Your marriage started with just you, with all of your selfishness and immaturity, and you met someone who you now have in your life every single day. You have had ups and downs. You have overcome challenges. You have struggled. You have triumphed. You are not even sure what is up ahead. You do know that you need each other to be strong together, trusting each other, sharing love and respect with each other. You know that things are better when you get along. 

"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins."

- 1 Peter 4:8 NLT

Let’s get curious: 

Explore that journey so far with each other. How did it start? Who was interested in who? Who had the crush first? Who fell in love first? Who saw the future together first? What was your favorite moment of your wedding? Where was your first home? Where were you when you found out you were pregnant? Who did better with the infant overnight drama? Who handled the toddler years more calmly? How have your professional identities shifted? What do you want the next year to look like? How old will everyone be in 5 years - what are the fun plans for the next 5 years as a family? How has your marriage grown? 

What do we want for our kids?

One of the most important aspects of parenting is where you are leading your children. When we are on the same page as a couple, we can have more success with this great challenge. 

Let’s take time now to reflect on what we want for our kids: 

What character trait do we hope each child will strengthen? How does each child get along with others? How does each child show love to others? How strong is each child’s faith? What values are most important (e.g. to always love God, to forgive others, to serve others, etc.)? How can we instill these Christian Family Values into our family: Generosity, Courage, Love, Respect, Hope and Peace 

How do we each want to receive love?

When I first read, The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, it was eye opening to learn there are 5 different love languages that we need and seek out. We each prefer a different way of receiving love. When we are dating, we tend to do all 5 of these. Yet, as the years pass, we may fall short. Here’s a refresher, ask each other on the trip which one speaks to them. Gary Chapman has more details in the book about how to meet your spouse’s needs and speak their love language. 

"Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions."

- 1 John 3:18 NLT

5 Love Languages

• Words of Affirmation - you prefer to be given verbal compliments and acknowledged
• Gifts of Love - you prefer to receive items and tokens that show you are thought of
• Quality Time - you prefer spending uninterrupted time with those you love
• Physical Touch - you prefer gestures of love with hugs, kisses, touch and intimacy
• Acts of Service - you prefer having tasks and chores done for you to save you time and effort

How can I respect you more?

One of the most overlooked ways to be close to one another and deepen your relationship is to show more respect for each other. As you sit and talk on the trip, share ways that you can show honor and respect to each other more. Our marital harmony is possible when we show each other more respect. This can be in our tone of voice, praising each other and how to address our differences. 

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs wrote one of my favorite Christian marital books, Love and Respect. He dives into the different needs of men vs women. He shares his research on our needs for respect and love. He starts out describing the Crazy Cycle we can get into if we are not following the needs of each other. Then, he goes into detail about the Energizing Cycle we can stay in when we understand the aspects of love and respect in our marriage. This book was so life changing to me and has given me so many tools to use. I loved the examples of ways to cherish each other and understand how we each need love and respect. 

How can I love you more?

Working on our marriage has long term benefits. The entire family suffers when the parents are in discord. The whole family system feels stronger when the parents are deep in love. You may need love in different ways than you used to. It’s time to check in and evaluate how you need to be loved in this season of your life. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love and Respect, describes the areas of love women seek out. Understanding how we can make more of a daily effort on this can strengthen our relationship and our ability to cope with stress together. 

When you have quiet time, start up one of these conversation topics and listen to each other’s responses. These must-have conversation topics will bring you closer together. Find your tranquility on this vacation and turn it into the lifestyle you lead at home.

Upcoming book in 2022 by Kathryn Gardner ~ Find Tranquility on Your Family Trip: Rest, Recharge and Connect on Your Family Trip. Plus 100 Christian Family Travel Activities

So glad you are on this journey with me to go from stressed to refreshed! Find your tranquility today! 

Be well and God bless,

Coach Kathy

Kathryn Gardner, mom of 2, police wife, and Therapist specializing in the wellness of moms & Certified Health Coach moved with her family to Tampa, FL to be near the ocean and explore the health benefits of nature. Her passion is helping stressed moms find tranquility! Check out TranquilityMoms.com for the latest blog post and YouTube video. She posts encouraging messages on Instagram and Facebook.

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• Get Away to Bring Your Family Back Together